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“I”

I had so many of you asking how I am doing right now.. Am I happy.. Am I content.. Especially after reading “The voice” blog, quite a few understood it was about me… blogs like “The voice” “what I do not want to marry someone like Induja” “three decades” voiced out my strong opinions on various things… A dear friend told me that I should write about me… being the subtle narcissist that I am, I immediately said yes!!

So what am i? Or rather who am i? Most of you would have formed a opinion about me based on the blogs I write, based on what others think about me, based on what you think I might be… most of the most of you might not have spent that much time with me to judge me in any way! Having said that, being human, judging is our second most favorite thing to do, first being eating.

I am someone who is overly happy and positive person… at times it becomes an over kill, I must agree! 🙂 But though I had a burdened past, it dosent define me now. I am in a state where I choose between being happy, happier and happiest! 🙂 Being sad is not even option :D. Having said that, I am someone who has very abstract thoughts, someone who can talk about travel one minute, women empowerment the next and cheesecake the next…. That’s how it is… so many thoughts… Such a small brain… difficult to contain… I have my list of things to do before I die and I haven’t even crossed five out of the thousand…. The first five being watching friends, visiting Dhanushkodi, eating curd rice with mango pickle, baking a cake and falling in love. ‘In that order’. 🙂 Im already 32 and not sure how am I going to finish the rest of the 995 which I know will increase as I age, the latest being visiting “Bruges” which looks nothing less than a dream.

I have my list of haters and friends. I love all of them. Each of them has taught me so many things. Some by leaving and some by choosing to stay…  I get judged very easily, and I get talked about more when I am not around, makes me feel like a celebrity at times! 🙂

When half the world chose engineering, I chose commerce not because I wanted to be different, because science and math were too tough and I would fail anyways.  Ok irrelevant sentence, my mind was taking a pause to think what else I am and I had to fill that gap with this stupid sentence.

I have had friends come and go.. I have friends who stayed like a rock. I have nothing against any of them at all. Those who left did that because their part in my life was over. I generally don’t carry hate, I either love, like or dislike people but I always wish well for everyone, even those who hate me. It’s just that, I have been brought up that way. I do not go around judging people by their looks or their past or their present. But I do form my opinions on what they could be or how I perceive them to be.

I have had flings, crushes, relationships.. I am a hopeless romantic. I love the idea of being in love. I am in love right now and that’s what keeps me going. When I was single, I was in love with myself. Freak right? Yeah, I respectfully disagree. I love anything dipped in chocolate except coconut. Tastes yuck! I love the idea of sitting on a hilltop and trying to catch the clouds.

I love waking up without having an agenda in hand. I hate having a to-do list for a day. Makes the day very organized and planned which is so not me. I am poor in planning and organizing, I am very impromptu.. Like how I quit my job without one in hand and decided to travel to the Middle East with the little money I had. A dear friend did take care of my accommodation and food. 🙂  I love to travel without packing… Ask my partner and he would say how much I hate packing… I love exploring places that are unexplored.. With some money, I could do that!! 🙂

Little things excite me and keep me happy.. Like a well baked cake.. a good cup of green tea… A warm morning…being under the blanket… Filter coffee.. a good pedicure… Illayaraja song…listening to someone talk in Thamizh.. helping a road side vendor… could be anything…could be something as intense as … overcoming fear, realizing self-worth, standing up for a friend, and standing up for myself.

There are things I hate.. Absolutely hate… Untidy toilets to begin with… people with double standards, being judgmental, especially when you don’t know the person at all that you are judging. I dislike people influencing a negative opinion of someone to others around, it just percolates the perception of that someone with others as well and that’s not cool! It’s ok to voice out your opinions but not ok to tell others to like or not like. Not ok at all! I dislike anything too bling. And I generally form an opinion of anyone dressing up too bling, I say to myself “the fashion police is going to arrest you for life” when I see them.

I usually become the center of attention in the places I go. It could be for good or bad. Unless I have someone overly beautiful next to me, (I usually don’t sit next to people who are overly attractive) 🙂 ..No, was kidding! I think and I believe I have enough confidence to surpass the looks anyone around me has! 🙂

My definition of the prefect day ranges between being in my pajamas, having a mug cake and watching friends all day to traveling to Tibet with my loved one. I would love to do both and would be equally happy doing both.

I am not a feminist. Though few think I am one from the blogs I write. I do not hold a placard and ask for gender equality. There are quite a lot of women today who are stupid, dumb and say and do the most bizarre things and just because they are women, I would not support and advocate it. Having said this, I still think it’s so unfair that a gets to have multiple wives and gets away with it by being a man and if a woman wants to have more than one man, she is being judged upon.

What turns me on? Common sense, Ability to converse and strike a conversation, Humor, Thamizh, Empty roads, Misty evenings, house on a hilltop are things that turn me on. What turns me off are things like couples confessing their love to each other every other week on face book , makes me want to ask if they live together or in different cities. Big malls turn me off, it’s a pain to walk and walk and walk seeing brands everywhere and knowing you cannot afford most of them or you don’t like most of them. I don’t hate animals, but I will not go near cats. They turn me off instantly. Traffic, yes, oh my god how could I forget. Traffic turns me off instantly.

I was extremely short tempered, to the extent of breaking a TV. I have tamed a lot. My life experiences have taught me how important it is to be patient. Im more quiet now, more patient and I speak more sense than I used to before. Im more matured in my thoughts. I know when to talk and when to shut up. I find sex and marriage very over rated. Love on the other hand all misconstrued. People who project themselves to be someone else to the rest piss me off. I think you should have the guts to let people see who you are and not how they want you to be. It shows signs of being a coward to me.

I love shopping but I take very little time compared the rest in the same gender; as much as i think beauty is within, a dash of MAC red adds so much oomph and beauty. I love real people, real scenarios and people who emerge as winners.

oh, are you still reading? It either means you love me or you are really jobless  😉 kidding ya!! you might hate me too and you are just confirming that by reading ! 😉 ok i am almost done!

I have tattoos which I love and which defines a certain struggle I went through in life. I don’t regret being inked for life. I love writing, I can write at any time of the day when I feel like, sometimes I write continuously and sometimes I don’t write at all for weeks…I love observing people.. I am someone who will sit in a park or a function and observe how people look at each other and how they talk. It interests me to know what someone would actually be thinking while talking to the other person. The mind is of great interest to me for that is where a journey of thousand thoughts emerges.  I’m absent minded, I forget where I keep things which also makes me careless. Very bad in maintaining a good wardrobe, it is usually clumsy. I love dressing up and showing up, no matter how sick I am.

I fight for my rights but I also know which are mine and which aren’t. I love my I-phone. I sleep a lot. I am an insomniac. I dream. I stay awake. I pray. I eat. I love. I cry. I laugh. I teach. I learn. I fail. I hail. I believe. I hope. I look up the sky and I see there is a better tomorrow. I wish. I make it happen. I erase. I write. I travel. I sit at home. I fall in love. I fall out of love. I fall in love again. I have tattoos. I have scars. I preach. I practice. I fly. I fall. I rise. I live. I exist. I feel alive. This is me. This is what defines me. The small things I mentioned. The happyness in little things.

I am what I am.

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mindless thoughts & thoughtless mind...!

3 thoughts on ““I”

  1. I think I was reading about myself (except for the tattoo part); I am not fond of tattoes at all; I love mehendi though. Just feels like a twin! Cheers!

  2. Good to know more about you… As you said I was joblessssssss only… 🙂 but the first thing popped up my mind when I was free is your blog.. which means I like reading it. First when I saw the title… ‘I’ was wondering why again a blog for movie reviews… and then it was full of ‘U’… Hope its a complete ‘U’ everywhere… Way to go… guess u have missed few things like ur ambitions, u gr8 job (haha)… and little bit of girlishness which is there for all girls… Way to go.. wish u all the best for ur future…

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