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The ugly truth. Wait, why is it ugly?

Have you questioned yourself about why you are in love with more than one person at a time? “Am I wrong?” “Is this morally right?” “Does this make me a bad person?” have you asked yourself this? I see quite a few nodding your heads!

There are times in life when we are content with the person who is with us and then suddenly you meet someone else and then, bam! Everything changes. A Time when you are completely swept off your feet by this person who is either a stranger or someone you know but all of a sudden looks different to you. What would you do? Let yourself fall or hold back the emotion….? The connection becomes so strong that suddenly he/she becomes the center of your life around which you plan things. “Is this right or wrong?” “Does this make me a cheater?” Should I even put this feeling in either of these boxes? “Can I just not box it at all…?” “Maybe this is a phase. It will phase out.” Questions like these will stand in line to get addressed.

How far can I stretch this for it to be called as a morally acceptable one? How much should I pull this love to see if it breaks… or is this love? What if this is just a one-time crush or another person to fill the vacuum in my empty heart. Oh wait, why is my heart having a vacuum? I already have someone. What does this mean? Do I not love the person I am with? But iam happy and I am not longing for something more. The mind just opens a Pandora box filled with all sorts of questions.

Do you really believe that “love” happens just once? That is just once at any given point with only one person? There is a connection that happens with someone without us putting much efforts into the person or the relationship as such. It just grows on you. You don’t pick them from a bazaar because you need an extra hand in bed or a partner for the movies. It happens and you realise it is happening when it has already started to happen.

What is the limit that you would put to this relationship? Just a mental connect is ok! Maybe a little bit of emotional layer wouldn’t hurt. What’s wrong with a hug or a kiss? Before you know it, you’ll be on the bed. You see how it grows? Maybe it need not grow. Maybe it will just stay in the mind. Ok if it does, does it not qualify to be immoral?!?

So many questions to which you unravel the answers as you see how it progresses. It is more of a self-discovery that takes place. You get to know who you are and what makes you to be YOU. It is amazing to see how the mind and soul just shamelessly go behind someone when you are tied by the neck to someone else. Oops, did I not put it right? I’m not saying all of you are going through, many of you are and most of the many deny it because it makes them guilty and they think it’s morally wrong. Socially wrong. Ok ok, they don’t think, it is morally wrong. But the heart knows no cardinals, let’s get that straight here.

You have a partner but then you fall for someone else but then you still love your partner. I’m not talking about those who go in for an affair for the lack of happyness in their relationship, im talking about those who are happy but then find greater happyness or the same through someone else. What would you do? Stop yourself and move on with the routine or turn yourself in and be a part of the magic? The choice is entirely yours. There is a constant battle between the mind and the heart. The mind says “Shut up. You are not going to do this, it is only making your life complicated” and the heart says “do not listen to the moron, go ahead and let yourself in, I’ll hold you if you fall” and that’s how simply, magically and effortlessly we fall. It takes not more than a milli second for the heart to tell the mind to either snap it off or to give in. We have both the choices. It is not that we are forced to do something that we decide to do. It is only because we choose to do it.

You think you are too smart to hide it from yourself, but then when you see yourself in the mirror, you smile. You smile alot more frequent than before. You blush more often. You start becoming more happy about who you are. It is a feeling of your inner most self opened to and someone else knows about it. It is something you love and you do not want to let go. It is liberating. It is magical. It is painfully pleasurable. It is complicated but you find a way to keep it going. But is it wrong? That’s the question that finds its way through the million other happy emotions that you go through. Some people are bold enough to look at the question on its face and say “I’am happy, if that’s wrong, then I do not know what is right ” and move on to become a part of it and embrace it. There are some, who have bigger responsibilities for the role they perform in the society which takes precedence and they lock up their feelings within.

At times you are just clueless of what the world believes to be as right and wrong. You are constantly trying to keep up with it but then in your own way, you lose track of it and feel lost. You look back at what just happened and by the time you want to mend things, you aregone far away from the other person. Far away, emotionally. You dont feel that anymore. Yes, the world does that to you and to the person sitting next to you. We all belong to the black hole and it is upto us to find the light within and outside.

You try your best to stick to this person amidst all the commotions and difficulties. You find the little time you get to be the best of all. You get close, you get intimate, you get silly and you make love to their mind. You appreciate their flaws and fall in love with your own. You lose yourself only to find it in them later. This blog is not to tell you if you’re right or wrong, I’m only telling you that what you are doing is human and you are not alone. This relationship goes beyond all the mandatory do’s of a socially acceptable one, it is as old school as it can get. It just takes you back to your ethos. Because you chose this and continue in it not because you have to but want to. Plain simple love.

It is not about riding the train of guilt. It is upto you to figure that out. You know who you are and you know what you want in life and most importantly, you know why you want it. If you are still willing to risk it all and be with this person by any means, mentally or emotionally or physically, then so be it.

How is this relationship going to be tagged as? A relationship with this person who is not going to be a part of your life at large, but still is always there with you and for you at any time and all times. What do you call them? I do not know, you figure that part out for yourself.

Whether you shut the door for this person and feel it with yourself or you let him/her inside and be a part of the magic. The choice is yours. It’s one life and its yours, decide how you want it to be lived 🙂

Cheers!

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mindless thoughts & thoughtless mind...!

2 thoughts on “The ugly truth. Wait, why is it ugly?

  1. hmmmmm….very, very thought provoking….somehow the girls i usually fall hard for are the very ones all my assorted friends and well wishers read me the riot act about….and when things go wrong- as they can and do sometimes…everyone keeps preaching ” i told you so”..which has made me slightly, ok very – hesitant to follow my heart…and makes me always follow my head and be wise and avoid complications and lead a safe but boring life…should i go with the excitement as you say? even if it gives rise to guilt…this post raises a lot of questions in me sharada

  2. Ha.. That post comes in quite handy.. 😛

    But seriously – What is in a name? You like someone cuz you do, even if that means breaking every other norms that your culture taught you. Wait, which culture tells that you can’t ‘like’ someone. So back to the question – what is in a name – lets call it like, the most plain and diplomatic word I can think of, and move on 🙂

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