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Childish!

So how many of you have been asked the question “When is the good news? It’s been three months since your wedding”.. Most of you right?? Not surprised at all… India is probably the only country where even a faraway relative you have met for the first time is keen on your sex life. There is no such thing as ‘personal boundaries’ here.

They wait for you to be married and bam they can’t wait to ask you when you are going to have a successful sexual encounter. A relative who asked me the same question, I replied saying “yes I do have good news” and she was all glee and asked my due date.  I said “I was referring to the “Krispy Kreme” outlet in Chennai, I’m sorry did you mean something else?” and she turned and walked away.

There is no denying that having a child is a beautiful thing, but when the source of that is pressure and not pleasure, it is not a great thing at all, trust me. There are so many couples here who are still unhappily married because they have a great responsibility as parents. The responsibility given to them as a result of peer pressure… the only relationship they live is as parents and not husband and wife anymore and that is really sad.

Why is a child the main focus of a marriage? Why is the society blinded to the thought that having a child means it is a happy marriage and couples who have no kid are leading a unhappy one. I have many friends who do not have children but are the happiest couples I have seen.

A friend of mine told me this “Sharada, my son is 4 years now. I wanted to quit this wedlock five years back because my husband did not love me anymore but parents and inlaws kept brain-washing us that having a child will solve everything. So we did have one and believe me nothing has changed, we both love our son but not each other. I became a mother even before I could understand what it is to be a wife”.

Now how fair is this? You tell me. Having a child is not a solution for a unhappy marriage, but having a child is another reason for a happy one. It is not the end of the world. It is ok if you cannot reproduce or if you do not want to, it is absolutely your right to decide that and nobody else’s.

Deciding to not have a child does not make the couple selfish. This world is not enough to live for ourselves, maybe the child is an extra baggage or maybe the couple feels they want to be by themselves or maybe they want to just adopt. It is absolutely ok to do any of the above. Who are you to tell the couple when to have a kid?

Do you know what problems they are facing? Maybe they are trying hard, harder than you think. Maybe the lady is having issues or maybe the man is unable to get it right, what do you know? Should they show you the medical reports of all of this?? Every time you ask a couple the question “So when is the good news”, remember you are hurting them. Maybe they are waiting for the good news too, you do not know. They are waiting for the good news to happen much more than you are.

Maybe they are having issues between them. They are not quite sure if they want to continue to be married. Maybe their marriage is on the rocks. Just maybe they are having second thoughts of continuing this. And you ask them this question, what do you expect them to say? Show the counsellor sheets to you?? You do not know their journey, so shut up!

Maybe, they are just having fun! They have time only for each other. They want to enjoy life only with them in the sunset, not a baby on her lap and carrying the baby bag, diapers and feeding bottle to the beach. They are not ready yet to have a kid. Now do you expect them to tell you that they are having good sex every day and enjoying their life? No right? so shut up!

Look, I have so many friends/cousins who are parents and they are absolutely happy having children in their life and also lead a happy marriage as well. But just because it has worked out for them, does not mean it has to work out for every couple.

It differs you see… And plus look at the world today! DO you really think a child is safe to be brought up here? I think he/she is better off as a sperm. As long as you create a non-hostile environment for the child to grow up, you are only making a blunder by giving him/her a life. I have seen kids grown up to be a very negative person because of the constant battle they see their parents go through and they wonder to themselves why they were even born to this ridiculous union of two people.

Uterus and a penis are gender specific, but we all have a heart and for a change I suggest you all to use that before you pose ‘that’ question to the next couple you see.

Cheers!

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mindless thoughts & thoughtless mind...!

11 thoughts on “Childish!

  1. nice writing… btw does not stop after having the first kid. it goes on. the current question I am shot at is “when are you planning for the second one”. I ignore them with a smile. I think that works.

  2. Too Good sharada…..I do agree with you completely on this:) your writing would surely make everyone who is reading this to think, am sure most of us have experienced something or other after our wedding and hence able to relate to your writing very well…

  3. This practice has been here for too long now, and people just don’t feel they would be hurting someone !its is a customery like asking someone have you had your coffee.As rightly posted there is something called Personal space which people around are yet to undestand. Any ways Great Right up!! Indeed as bold one. ☺

  4. Hi, The very first post which I read of your’s , really HOT, unexpected. To comment on this , I would say like, Love marriage’s which is not widely accepted in this country, hearing about and making NEWS on your personal life for relatives/friends or whoever has asked you the question seems fashion in India. Instead of you getting annoyed, carried away.. of course you have the only rights for your personal space, you can just smile at them or say ‘not now’ or move away… Looking from the beginning and if you believe that God exists… its he who has said Be Fruitful and Multiply… and hence the question arises in everyone’s mind.. once you get married..
    Of course I had the same question after marriage and when we were without a child for 1.5 years… Then suddenly… we had one …and within a year the 2nd… and all of them question us now, why soon? Our reply was what a world… it is… ?
    Don’t take it emotional.. always…

    1. Hey ram , let me thank for stopping by to read what i scribble ! I do agree to all of what u said !!! Not that im emotional towards him, the sense of anger increaes at times ! Ppl bother about the stink in other ppl’ houses before they take a good look at their own !

  5. Exactly my thoughts!! Live and let live, will the Indian folks ever understand this!
    Thankfully in my case, my in laws have started nagging now (we’ll be completing 4 years in Oct, and aren’t ready yet to have a child…perhaps will never be…who knows) but I get irritated when it is the distant relatives and almost stranger aunties who have the audacity to ask this question!

    1. Instead of the people (especially ladies) speaking here on the blog, tell people with a honest thought that “there is a good news” – I’m adopting a child….and if you have want to be part of this good news will let you know the date and time… this gud news can happen tomorrow or until 9 months from now…

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