“I cannot live without her any more. Life is meaningless. I had dreams. Honeymoon in Thailand, making love, making babies – two of them and now suddenly life has come to a stand still. Where is she? I cannot move ahead and I cannot live this life…” he said with utmost frustration and depression. A guy who is most of the time chirpy and cheesy changed to be down and depressed. We all go through break ups, well most of us do. And we have people all around us to tell us what to do. Here is my view on what NOT TO DO post a break-up.
The first mistake people do after a break-up is lashing out at the Ex on social media sites. This is not going to make you feel better or move ahead. Status like “was I drunk during the entire relationship” does not work. Lashing out on each other on the social site shows immaturity and clearly gives the leverage to the other person to control your life remotely. Ensure you do not talk about it on social media before you make peace with yourself about it. Once you do this, you would have crossed the stage of talking about it to strangers.
As much as rebound sex is healing and comforting, it is that much worse too. Do not get into rebound sex if you are doing it to get some emotional support. Indulge in it if you are fully aware about the consequences. A friend of mine had a break-up and took to rebound sex within weeks and could not come out of the guilt much later. This pushed her into more depression and added to the agony she was going through already. Rebound sex is fine if you are matured enough to handle yourself post it.
When a break-up happens, not many admit and take the onus for it. Do not play the blame game. Don’t be impulsive to swear on your friends or anyone else about it. What has happened cannot be undone. But it is upto you to handle the break-up with utmost maturity and self respect. Calling names and creating a scene makes it ugly for you and others as well.
The ‘J’ feeling:
You had a break-up but that does not mean every relationship has to have one. Do not do that. Your friend maybe having a great love life, do not feel jealous. You may have all the right intentions toward her but the situation you are in would make your mind think otherwise. Do not go around with hate slogans about love. Just because it did not work for you, does not mean it cannot work for anybody else. Be a grown up about it.
Break-ups can be very stressful. Completely understandable, we get it. Don’t close yourself and sit in a corner and sob. Talk about it to your friends but do not over burden them about it all the time. Look at how you need to move ahead. Don’t wall yourself in a room and mourn. Life is outside and so is love. The feeling of depression will lead to some very serious damage to you, some of which can never be repaired.
Search of love:
You miss the cuddling, the kissing, the love making, the dinners, house parties with friends, the gifts, ‘I love you’ texts. It is natural to feel so. But do not jump into being involved emotionally with someone else to satisfy the feeling. You will realize later what a terrible mistake it was. It not only makes your life ugly but also the other person involved. Don’t be desperate to get into a relationship. Take your time and know yourself and what you need. Don’t search for ways to fall in love with someone. Give it a pause.
Seeking revenge on your ex could be the easiest way to vent out your feelings. Of course, we get it. But it could also be the most dangerous one. You do not know the situation of what your ex is in. Perhaps he/she is far more depressed about the break-up than you are. Sending out threat emails or being a life spoiler is a complete NO-NO. Revenge always digs two graves. Remember that and leave the person to himself/herself.
Being a puppy:
The break-up has happened and both of you have moved away from each other. Do not spy your ex in all ways possible. Secretly going through his/her fb profile through a friend’s login, making bogus phone calls to know if he/she is single or moved on to someone. The obsessive need to know what he/she is up to everyday. This will only make the whole process worse for you. Be an adult and let the other person be.
We know collecting souvenirs in a relationship is common. Do not carry it with you post the break-up. Wearing his shirt and taking a nap is NOT cute. Reading her ‘I love you’ messages on whatsapp is not good at all. It is going to make you miss her and want her and also hit you she isn’t yours any more which is not a good situation for you to handle at this time. Being friends later is a different thing, but these personal souvenirs are not going to help you come out of it.
These may be my reasons on what NOT TO DO post a break-up. Your reasons might be different. It is very individualistic. These are just a broader perspective of what is being said. It is always easier said than done. I agree, but of these are just kept in mind, it helps us ease through the whole process with more ease and comfort.
There can be a lot of what NOT TO DO post a break up, but according to me the only TO DO post a break-up is to MOVE ON. Life is precious and new things await us every day. Embrace it and take time for yourself. Reflect within and know what you want. Understanding of the self is very important. There is always going to be someone else. Someone more better for you. The universe is never short of people. GET OUT and have some fun 🙂