This is probably a first that a mother is talking to the yet to take a human form sperm. Well I thought let’s begin early. I want to tell you few things before I let you occupy my body. Because once you do, you sort of become my responsibility. You know the world that I live in, I’ll be called your mother. Your biological mother. The one who let you grow inside her only to unleash you to the cruel ugly world. I’m pretty sure you’re going to curse me later about that bit. You were happily swimming in your pool of life and thud, you need to make defisions between sky blue shirts and pink socks.
So here is the deal, I’m a working professional. I have crazy work schedules that fries my brain and dims my soul. I write. Most of the times. That’s all I do. During the day, i write to feed my stomach and during the night, I write to feed my heart. I’m going to be 36 and I haven’t met you yet. You must know the world is judging and mocking me already. Your sneaky grand aunts and uncles are asking if you are a healthy sperm and if I have a healthy pool to let you swim. Most of the times I ward the questions away. But sometimes it gets to me. It gets to me so much that I cringe and cry and shout. Not having a great uterus does not make me any less of a human. But hey, welcome to the real world. I’m having crazy mood swings than I used to. I like fewer people than I used to. I’m sorry but you gotta make peace with the fact that you won’t be having too many cousins to play with. Tada, may I introduce called dogs.
You should make peace with many things once you get out. Firstly with the society. You know the place I live in, there is a sect called people. A sect that you may not be aware of. These are are the people who have a laundry list of how I should be as a mother.
I must put you ahead of me. I must forego things I like to do. I must ensure that I’am around you 24×7 or at least think of you all the time. You must become the centre of my world. I need to plan my weekends based on how you want it to be. I need to compromise on sleep and sex. I need to make peace with being put into the ‘MILF’ category by a certain sect of people. These people are the ones who mock me for being fat but also stare at my big breasts. These people are the ones who will tell you what is wrong with you even before you figure out what the word wrong means.
Oh wait. Did I tell you about your father? He is a biker and a tourer. The coolest dad one could ask for. I have never seen a man who is as good hearted as him. If you turn out to be half as good as he is, I’d be glad. Did you know you have a big brother and sister? They are called Ritchie and Kalki. Unlike you, they have four legs that are full of fur and love. I may probably always put them ahead of you. I’m pretty sure they will love you more than anyone else.
I was also told that I must put all my life savings to make sure you get everything you want. If only your mother knew what savings even meant. *insert rolling eyes smiley*. I need to put you in a school which is the most competitive and makes sure children are classified based on grades. Also, do you know how bloody expensive, cheap education in India is? I wish you come with some pre paid card dude. I must also decide what graduation course you should study and pay for you to attend extra classes from grade 7 to top the school and get into the best universities. I must also make sure you are well taken care financially <heavy laughs> before you decide to start earning. And then I must tell you to marry and give me grandchildren.
But let me tell you, I ain’t all this. I’m not going to teach you any of this. What I will teach you is to differentiate jerks from the good ones. I will teach you how you should never take pride of your caste. You should understand what sexism and feminism means. You should respect people of all castes and communities. I will not raise you saying you’re a man so you can be how you want to be. I’ll teach you how to make a good morning coffee and you shall do so going forward. I’ll want to have some nights with my husband and you shall leave the room. I will have vacations to take and you will be taken care by someone trust worthy. I don’t want you to worship me. Don’t treat me like God. Don’t over do your love for me. Treat me with respect like how will treat a fellow human.
I will make sure you are comfortable. If you aren’t happy going to school, I will help you learn something else to keep you occupied. I will not tell you what to do and what not to do. I will not raise you like how I was raised. My mother’s world revolves around me and she has done nothing for hetslef. I’m not doing all that to you honey. I’ll be around you. I’ll tell you what clothes you look good in. If you like someone of the same sex, I’ll say yes. If u like someone of the opposite sex, I’ll say yes too. Your choice completely. Let’s not make one another a baggage or I must say, a dependency. Let’s live independently and happily. Let’s learn to live without one another.
I’ll be a kickass mom. Probably not the kind of mother defined by the society. But I’ll be what I need to be with you. I’ll be your mother and I’ll a be other things. It’s just another role I play in life. Just like how I love my writings, I will love you because you are my a piece of my work too. A piece that I will love, adore, cherish and let go at the right time.
Fly away son, I will not give you the wings but I will cut the branch you’re sitting on. That’s how you’ll grow and I’ll watch you grow from a distance. The distance between the waves and the shore.
I will keep rewriting this letter until I see you. I’m growing old and so are you. I may never be able to see you or maybe I will. I don’t know. But whatever the case maybe, please be known that your father and I love you.
For now, happy swimming.